Mental thoughts

Sadly, yesterday I went to a memorial service for a friend and, as usual, these occasions always serve to put other things into perspective. The music, prayers and words were just great. My condolences to his widow.

The older one gets, the more frequently one hears of a death by a terminal disease such as cancer. Phrases such as "after a very long struggle with cancer..." become all too frequent, following a period of people rallying around to support the loved ones and the patient. And so it should be.

In fact the e-mail I received from this persons partner was " after a very long struggle with depression and anxiety...". I was struck by the phrase "long struggle", not often used in this context. And it set me thinking that as a society, we do not see mental illness in the same light as the killer physical diseases, yet their impact and potential for inflicting misery is just as great.

There have been times when I have not been "right side up" - indeed we probably all experience such episodes. Fortunately - with one exception - it was just normal life and I came right without help. The only time I should have asked for help, as I left my teenage years, I felt unable to do so. Somehow it felt an admission of failure, an admission I was flawed. Instead I suffered months of anguish, pain and distress when I could have had some help. I asked for none as I felt I would not get support from my parental family, that by so doing I would be devalued even more in their eyes and labelled. Labelled as inadequate and worse. I did not want the stigma from them or the medical establishment.

At todays ceremony, the elephant in the room was the illness that killed my friend - depression. Would it have been the same, I wonder, if it was cancer? ( I am not offering any criticism of the service by the way). Today their must be many people who feel unable to ask for help, who struggle on without any comforting words. And I think society needs to adjust its attitude to mental illness, to get over the fear that one day we may not all be of sound mind, and reach out with more compassion to the mentally ill and depressed.That way those in need would feel more able to ask for it, both from the medical establishment, friends, family nd their work.

All of this does not take away the tradegy of my friends death. And for the pain of the loved ones left behind.

To them all, I extend my prayers.